A modest contract for my clients and their children
Salutations! It’s been a while! I haven’t blogged much (or at all, since June) but my clients and I have been tackling clutter and organizing like fiends on full steam. This month I had a little free time, and wished to flex my writing muscles once again.
The other day my client showed me her attic… 60% of which was filled with her adult children’s belongings. This presented a particular challenge to us, because in order to declutter another room in the house, we needed space up in the attic for the keepers to move up there… And yet no space was to be had. Just then an amusing idea for a blog occurred to me- what if I had to draw up a contract between my clients and their offspring? WHEREAS, the client shall be referred to as “Client”, and WHEREAS their child shall be referred to as “OOC” (Offspring Of Client). I’m no expert at legal jargon, but I thought Exhibits A and B could read something like this:
The Client agrees:
- To store OOC’s belongings and Memorabilia during college, and not a day after.
- The exception to this is OOC’s who, after college, live in a 60 square foot apartment in New York City.
- To fully believe and respect the OOC when they
aggressivelylovingly insist on No Thank You to the collection of every Nat Geo since 1973, the rusty antique tool set, or the collection of white porcelain cats with pink bows.
- To gift the OOCO’s (the Offspring-Of-Client’s-Offspring- ie, Client’s grandchildren) adventures, lessons and memberships in lieu of toys. They have too many. I’m sure the OOC would back be up on this one.
- To put their affairs and possessions in order, so that OOC shall not have to go through a mountain of memorabilia* when Client passes from this life. This valiant act of the Client’s is a selfless and loving act that the OOC will appreciate for the rest of his or her life. Memorabilia shall be weeded down to the very most precious items, and these remaining items shall be tidy, consolidated, and an excellent representation of Client’s life that the OOC can take pride in and honor.
- *Memorabilia includes, but is not limited to: photos, videos, letters and cards, journals, essays, awards and medals, old Nat Geos, locks of hair, baby teeth, baby clothes, t-shirts from 5Ks that will never be made into a quilt, yearbooks, dried flowers, yellowing wedding dresses, and old broken toys.
The OOC (Offspring of Client) is far from off the hook, and agrees:
- Not to gripe when Client turns OOC’s old room into a hobby room, when OOC flies the coop.
- Not to burden
your poor parentsClient with the expectation that Client owes it to OOC to store their stuff forever. The Client owes no such thing. If Client chooses to let OOC store their belongings at Client’s house, OOC agrees to respond with gratitude and a promise to schedule a purge day and remove it or most of it as soon as possible.
- Never to say “Mom/Dad/Client, you can’t donate that- you have to keep it, we made it for you when we were kids!!” OOC’s have their own home to clutter up*. Leave
your nice parentsClient alone.
- *OOC agrees to hire none other than Simplicana, LLC if this is the case.
SIGNATURE OF CLIENT:
SIGNATURE OF OOC (OFFSPRING-OF-CLIENT):
NOW PRINT THIS OUT, SIGN IT, AND SHAKE ON IT!